Desires reveal Design, Design reveals Destiny

Okay, so it's looking like I may be getting back in the swing of this whole blogging deal.

I'd like to start off with a little backstory to whats been going on lately.

Over the past few weeks, I have been participating in the interview process for a very important internship. Long story short, the internship puts me in a branch manager position for a major painting company. I would be in complete control of the branch and to everything from managing supplies and money to hiring and firing employees. Its a pretty big deal that offers me pretty big money, as well as pretty big experience. My fourth interview was yesterday and it ended with a smile, an handshake, and a friendly, "Welcome aboard".

So thats that. Now on to the big stuff

I'm struggling with what my life is supposed to be. I figure that needs to be stated just incase you didn't get a chance to read the scatter-brained, poorly communicated piece of blog-post shaped feces I wrote last week. And I've been looking for answers in a lot of places.

Today as I sat down at my desk I looked up at my small selection books. All spiritual books, and all books I bought during times when I felt extremely spiritually connected. I said, "I'm gonna read this book." But that translated into, "I'm gonna read the first chapter of this book and then never touch it again, but every time someone brings it up I'll throw in my two cents because, hey, I read the first chapter.."

The most recent of these books is the New York Times best seller, "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. The book dives into what it really means to be a MAN. Like a real man of God. The book argues three overwhelming desires that a man feels. The desire for a battle to fight, to charter an adventure, and a beauty to fight for. And I think Eldredge hit the nail right on the head with these three.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to dive into these three right now, rather let's operate under the assumption that all men in fact DO have these desires. I can confirm this minutely by stating that I have a strong desire for all three.

So why is society filled with men who are unsatisfied? Men who go to the same job everyday just to come home, go to sleep, and wake up to do it all again. When you think about it, it's quite pathetic. And that's okay for me to say because I consider myself part of it. I go through this same routine everyday hoping that it will lead to something more, but in reality, I know that at this pace, I'm just setting myself up for a new routine. And routine is not even the right word. The right word is rut.

Leave it to my mom to point out the obvious:

This isn't an adventure! This isn't a battle for us as men to live and die for! So why are we so stuck in these ruts? Why don't we get the heck out.

Eldredge explores this question. And basically, he calls men a bunch of pansies. He breaks it down into two very simple reasons:

"We doubt very much that we have any real strength to offer, and we're pretty certain that if we did offer what we had it wouldn't be enough." 

And thats the reason we sit around refusing to give in to our real desires. The desires that are exactly what make us men. But those reasons are bull. Eldredge explains this wonderfully when he talks about design. See, a persons desires are built in. They are engrained in his soul. They're permanent. So logically, we can say they are part of his design. If they are part of our design, then we can probably assume they were not an accident, and they were put there by our Designer for a reason. And from what we know about our Designer, we know that we were designed to fill a purpose.. a destiny, if you will.

God put those desires in us as men because they are what we are made to do. 

God gave us a desire for adventure. Why? Because when he gave us this earth it was a blank page. Without that desire how would we ever explore, create, and enhance? We wouldn't. At all.

What about the desire for a battle to fight? Why were we designed with this desire? Well.. take a look around. The battle is everywhere. It started when God cast Lucifer from heaven, and as Christian men, we have adopted the same enemy. God has given us a desire to fight so that we can fight for Him.

And lastly, why do we have this desire for a beauty to fight for. Why does Adam long for a woman. Because there is Eve. The perfect God given helper for Adam. The one who was made to compliment him in every way. 

These desires are in show us our destiny. through design:

Desire reveals design, and design reveals destiny.

We aren't just here to kill time. We're here to fulfill the God given longings of our heart. It's HIS purpose for us. And guess what?

It's dangerous. It's risky. Some people will look at you like you're downright stupid. But it risk presented to us  by the One and Only. The God of all things. So why do we hesitate?

I discussed why Eldredge says we hesitate, (Because we don't think we're good enough). But you know what? I don't think thats whats holding me back. Because honestly, I could care less if I'm good enough. If I fall on my butt I have no problem with that. If I fail in whatever I do, thats okay. I can handle failure. Thats not my fear. But I think I know what is.

I'm about to get pretty real right now..

I have an overwhelming fear that I won't be able to provide for the people I love. It's a fear that I won't be able to give them what they need. And when I say the people I love, I am mostly referring to my future wife, whoever she may be, and children. The people I'm supposed to be able to take care of as a man. And my fear is, if I pursue my desire for adventure, if I break the rut and live a life of passion and vigor and danger, how will that effect my wife? my kids? If I decide I don't want to be a doctor and go to work and do the same thing everyday for the rest of my life, but rather I want to pursue my passion for music, (in whatever way that may be), where does that leave my future family?

It seems to me that i'd be making a decision that would directly negatively effect how well I could provide for my wife, right? That's how it seems to me. And I don't want that, I want her to be happy, I want her to be comfortable, and satisfied. I want to be able to give her the things she wants. The same goes for my future children. 

So lets go back to this internship. This is an internship that will not only provide me with huge money and experience now, but also has record breaking statistics for their interns future success. Something like 90 percent of interns get jobs making over 50k a year within 3 months of graduating college. So how come, when I shook this man's hand yesterday, did I feel like God was saying, 

"This is not your adventure."

I don't know. But I hope to find out. I plan on sitting down and talking with my father soon, as well as other impactful men in my life. And you better believe I'm gonna be talking to God as much as possible. But I'd really like to hear from other people too. 

Opinions on my outlook on provision for my future family would be greatly appreciated, from men who have dealt with this in your family, or women who can give their side to this. I haven't figured much out, but I do know that God has designed me to be a man in him. And thats what I want to be.

A good song of the day: "Therapy" by Relient K

I'm hoping to go see these guys next month. Theres a lyrical genius present in every on of their songs.. whether the songs as deep as this one, or written about a high school dance. 

And I guess that's all I've got. Thanks for reading.. I just realized this was a tad long.

Also.. feel free to comment right here on the blog. Like right here..